Everyone should read this book-- Lean In

I just started it and already I feel empowered.

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's chief operation officer, hits on many points that I feel equally about and discusses hurdles as a woman that I have experienced or have yet to  deal with.

She describes the book in a way as her non-feminist manifesto, feminist manifesto. It is completely a feminist manifesto and there is nothing wrong with it. Feminism is not a dirty word.

The book talks further about how more women need to be leaders in the world, however, you can choose your own path with strength and dignity whether is to run for a political office, run a company or be a full-time mother. She quotes statistics that show more women are educated than men, are more successful in higher education and more drop out of the workforce than men.

There is a chapter about being a mother and still having a career-- which I look forward to reading.

My husband and I are getting to a point where we would like a child (in a year or two...or three). I don't want to give up my career because I feel like I am just getting started, but I want a family too. Can woman have it all?


Men or partners, should lean-in. Life and family should be taken care of 50/50.

No, I won't ask my husband to buy me clothes. However, why should I be the one working crazy hours, rushing home, cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the house and going to the store? He never not offered to do those thing, the responsibility was just somehow embedded in me and assumed. He might not be the best at folding clothes, but he needs to do his part equally in this little family. Which, thankfully, he mostly does. Now, he just needs to learn to cook-- sorry, ordering a pizza is not cooking.

We need to take care of each other... equally. And I think women need to take care of each other too.

My only negative critique on the book, so far, is that it gets me so pumped that I can't sleep. Reading it before bed is out of the question.

Here is a link:

http://leanin.org/book/

The website is interesting too.

Starting again... and again… and again.

My husband always jokes at me that I'm "What's next Stephanie" and it's true. I have not spent more than two years in a place since graduating from college. It might be a problem or it might be the right thing. I truly can't tell. 

I am constantly searching for my little slice of the "American Dream". Nothing Hollywood or what someone else would consider it to be, but my version of it. And, unfortunately, I'm still trying to figure out what that is. 

My own answer to my own issue is-- hopefully, I'll know it when I find it. 

I very much loved Columbia, Mo. My quality of life there was great. I exercised, ate well, loved the downtown and overall felt happy. The cost of living is low and the people are very nice. I was even offered a job on two separate occasions that would have set my husband and I up very well. He could have comfortably finished his master's degree and gone on to pursue and complete his doctorate. 

Why the hell did I turn it all down? 

The only answer I can come up with is that it just did not feel right. It wasn't for me. It wasn't what I wanted. 

I suppose it is a fear of failing myself. Of making the wrong life decision (and goodness knows I've made plenty of those). I know that I hold myself to sometimes unreachable standards and also fear that I will continually be disappointed.

I took a job in Pennsylvania as a staff photographer in an area that is very busy, difficult to navigate, expensive to live in and pretty much the polar opposite of Columbia. 

Everything leading up to right now has been a bit of a struggle-- flying out for an interview during a hurricane on my own dime, finding a reasonable place to live, my car breaking down halfway through the move here, trying to purchase a new car while still being registered in Mo., miserable people, getting lost, shitty pay, being constantly sick, getting lost and getting lost. My dog hates the apartment, nearly everyone I work with is miserable, and I'm apart from the one person that means more to me than me. My husband. I get choked up just thinking about not being with him. 

So why do it? 

Because it was my choice and I fought for it. It's something I want to be a part of (no matter how miserable everyone is) and it's a new adventure. Don't get me wrong, there have been a few time already where I've cracked and asked myself: Did I make the right choice? 

Is it my dream?

No. But it might become that. I think this is one step toward finding my little slice of heaven and I know good karma is right around the corner. 

I'd be unhappy doing anything else. I'd have no stories to tell. I don't know to be someone that hates what she does and just does it to go home on the weekend and put in her time until she can retire. I think too hard about things to be able to do that.

I'm having an adventure. I'm controlling my destiny and not letting it control me. 

Maybe this is where I stay, have a family and 'settle down'. Maybe this is just leading to another grand adventure… I'll let you know in two years.  

Next up: staying positive around miserable people. 

-S