Everyone should read this book-- Lean In

I just started it and already I feel empowered.

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's chief operation officer, hits on many points that I feel equally about and discusses hurdles as a woman that I have experienced or have yet to  deal with.

She describes the book in a way as her non-feminist manifesto, feminist manifesto. It is completely a feminist manifesto and there is nothing wrong with it. Feminism is not a dirty word.

The book talks further about how more women need to be leaders in the world, however, you can choose your own path with strength and dignity whether is to run for a political office, run a company or be a full-time mother. She quotes statistics that show more women are educated than men, are more successful in higher education and more drop out of the workforce than men.

There is a chapter about being a mother and still having a career-- which I look forward to reading.

My husband and I are getting to a point where we would like a child (in a year or two...or three). I don't want to give up my career because I feel like I am just getting started, but I want a family too. Can woman have it all?


Men or partners, should lean-in. Life and family should be taken care of 50/50.

No, I won't ask my husband to buy me clothes. However, why should I be the one working crazy hours, rushing home, cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the house and going to the store? He never not offered to do those thing, the responsibility was just somehow embedded in me and assumed. He might not be the best at folding clothes, but he needs to do his part equally in this little family. Which, thankfully, he mostly does. Now, he just needs to learn to cook-- sorry, ordering a pizza is not cooking.

We need to take care of each other... equally. And I think women need to take care of each other too.

My only negative critique on the book, so far, is that it gets me so pumped that I can't sleep. Reading it before bed is out of the question.

Here is a link:

http://leanin.org/book/

The website is interesting too.

Starting again... and again… and again.

My husband always jokes at me that I'm "What's next Stephanie" and it's true. I have not spent more than two years in a place since graduating from college. It might be a problem or it might be the right thing. I truly can't tell. 

I am constantly searching for my little slice of the "American Dream". Nothing Hollywood or what someone else would consider it to be, but my version of it. And, unfortunately, I'm still trying to figure out what that is. 

My own answer to my own issue is-- hopefully, I'll know it when I find it. 

I very much loved Columbia, Mo. My quality of life there was great. I exercised, ate well, loved the downtown and overall felt happy. The cost of living is low and the people are very nice. I was even offered a job on two separate occasions that would have set my husband and I up very well. He could have comfortably finished his master's degree and gone on to pursue and complete his doctorate. 

Why the hell did I turn it all down? 

The only answer I can come up with is that it just did not feel right. It wasn't for me. It wasn't what I wanted. 

I suppose it is a fear of failing myself. Of making the wrong life decision (and goodness knows I've made plenty of those). I know that I hold myself to sometimes unreachable standards and also fear that I will continually be disappointed.

I took a job in Pennsylvania as a staff photographer in an area that is very busy, difficult to navigate, expensive to live in and pretty much the polar opposite of Columbia. 

Everything leading up to right now has been a bit of a struggle-- flying out for an interview during a hurricane on my own dime, finding a reasonable place to live, my car breaking down halfway through the move here, trying to purchase a new car while still being registered in Mo., miserable people, getting lost, shitty pay, being constantly sick, getting lost and getting lost. My dog hates the apartment, nearly everyone I work with is miserable, and I'm apart from the one person that means more to me than me. My husband. I get choked up just thinking about not being with him. 

So why do it? 

Because it was my choice and I fought for it. It's something I want to be a part of (no matter how miserable everyone is) and it's a new adventure. Don't get me wrong, there have been a few time already where I've cracked and asked myself: Did I make the right choice? 

Is it my dream?

No. But it might become that. I think this is one step toward finding my little slice of heaven and I know good karma is right around the corner. 

I'd be unhappy doing anything else. I'd have no stories to tell. I don't know to be someone that hates what she does and just does it to go home on the weekend and put in her time until she can retire. I think too hard about things to be able to do that.

I'm having an adventure. I'm controlling my destiny and not letting it control me. 

Maybe this is where I stay, have a family and 'settle down'. Maybe this is just leading to another grand adventure… I'll let you know in two years.  

Next up: staying positive around miserable people. 

-S

Opinion: Hurricane Sandy

 We, as Americans, disagree on politics, religion, rights, fashion, and plenty more topics subject to millions of views, but man-oh-man, when a storm is a’bruin, everyone prepares (even the skeptics). There is an almost giddiness in the air before the storm – the metonymy of our day to day is being interrupted. We get our flash lights and bring in the wind chimes. We fill buckets with clean water and gather food. We care about each other’s well-being.

When a loved-one dies, a family usually comes to together and puts aside differences. From tragedy comes compassion because we realize (once again) what is important. The same can be said for a natural disaster, but on a larger scale. It’s hard to tell if the politicians are so involved because it’s an election year… I mean, would Mitt Romney have been there handing out water if he weren’t up for president? No. What would really be great is if all of the politicians physically united whenever another state needed help (we are the United States after all). Yes yes, one can dream of political peace. What can I say, I’m a beauty queen at heart.

What is interesting to me about Hurricane Sandy is our straight-on view of what’s happening to the people of NYC. During Hurricane Katrina, we only had the news. Journalists would choose what they thought were the most important visuals and would portray the aftermath as such. With Sandy, we get a more direct view because some of our favorite shows are “Straight from New York!” I watched the opening of Jimmy Kimmel with no audience. I saw The View this morning and know their experience. Rather than tuning into CNN to view the devastation, I see pictures of people helping people and struggles, but also triumphs straight from the people being affected. It’s refreshing.

-Julia

The Underdog

There are so many ways that we beat ourselves up... I did this wrong or said that wrong and while I could make a list for you right now, I'd rather tell you about a self-quality I can't help but like.

Today I was thinking about... well actually I don't remember (but for some reason I still feel the need to struggle through this post). Anyway, I was thinking about something and as always, I couldn't help but hope the underdog of that scenario comes out on top.

It doesn't matter if it's something obvious like football when I root for the less popular team of the two, or something just in my head like my slightly-subconscious need for the less popular: yellow-gold jewelry, green tea (believe me, it wasn't popular among my peeps when I started drinking it in high school). I'm not super-different from others, but I'm just drawn to some things because to me, they are the underdog.

These thoughts have probably been rooted from an early age when my mother would consistently take my friend's side as I told her about an argument. Didn't matter what it was about, she would have comments that eluded to me being wrong. "Why did you say that? Don't act like that." And lets not forget the eye roll ((OMG... I'm just now realizing my eye roll is strictly a hand-me-down from my mother)).

To get back on track here, I see myself doing this same (less extreme) eluding whenever the people are telling me about their disagreements with others. For me, it seems more like trying to see both sides of the story and giving the best advice possible, but sometimes (especially in the case of my hubby), it can seem like I'm not taking his side (no matter wife, as any good wife should ;).

All in all, it's something I like about myself. I think I could make a good counselor and someday I might try to pursue that career path, but for now, I'll happily settle for having a quality I admire in myself. Go Underdogs!

The Power of a Good Romantic Comedy

I watched "You've Got Mail" tonight and it made me wish for something whimsical and magical to happen.

So much of day-to-day life is chaotic and though we plan days of fun, it's almost too much pressure. Make sure you fit all the fun into your day trip or your week of vacation because come Monday, it'll be back to groceries, cooking, cleaning, and a job you don't exactly jump up-and-down for.

Yes, I feel the need to express my regret for my last statement by telling you all I am grateful to have a job and I know many others have it worse, but why should I apologize for wanting more - for wanting to live everyday doing something I truly enjoy?

Life slowed down in this movie... just two people doing what they love and falling in love. It's just nice to stop for a moment and daydream.

It's not often that I watch a girlie movie these days. I rarely have a moment to myself and when with the hubby, we compromise. If he was to watch a romantic comedy with me though, it would mean I'd have to watch a horror movie in return and that is a no-go! So, we stick to the action/drama and all is good.

My point is that in watching this simple and beautiful movie, I've realized I've somehow forgotten what giddy love feels like. And not just that, but basking in that brisk autumn air or taking a walk in fresh fallen snow... letting the summer sun warm my skin without wondering what I'll make for dinner.

I am so in-love with my husband and he does romance me, but I guess I'm just so caught up in the next thing I need to get done that I don't stop and give enough appreciative thought to the kiss, or the breakfast he made for me... even just the genuineness in his voice when he tells me he loves me. I can blame it on the work day and trying to be that typical woman who feels she should accomplish it all, but really... there is no good excuse. I just need to make time slow down and breath in the little things.

Here's to giving it a good shot... and to watching more inspirational romantic comedies!

-J

If you need a dose of ridiculousness.

Then watch and read this.

http://gawker.com/5936050/republican-senate-nominee-explains-that-women-dont-really-get-pregnant-from-legitimate-rape


I don't think I need to comment any further.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

As a college instructor, I tend to dish out a lot of advice—whether it’s career, ethical, life, journalism or course related.

Hopefully, some students walk away with at least one decent piece of advice while others, most likely, are not listening.

All of the giving has made me think about advice that I’ve got. Honestly, only one stands out and I have no idea who gave it to me or when it was given.

It goes like so:

“What’s the worst they are going to say? No?”

For me, this is the best advice I could have ever gotten. I’m always worried about bothering people or being in the way. And seriously, what’s the worst that could happen?

I’m not afraid of the big N-O, I’ve just always worried about making people mad or looking like a jerk.

In my carrier, you can’t worry about that.

As a journalist/ photojournalist you’re going to get looked at like you’re selling dead kittens, get told no constantly, yelled at, ignored… the list goes on. I even had someone run away from me once. Yes, run!

You have to be made of steal and you have to laugh it off. You can’t take it personally and you can’t let yourself get jaded about people.

Yet, to this day, if I have to make a cold call or walk into a place unannounced and ask if I cant take pictures, I get a tight feeling in my chest. Sometimes I even procrastinate before getting on with it.  I don’t know why or if it will ever go away.

In the end, I always pull the Band-Aid and it never hurts as bad as I thought it would. Because, what’s the worst they’re going to say? No?

-Steph